10,000 BC

May 9, 2008

Yep, I have watched it against my better judgement and after switching off at some point near the end I realised my better judgement is just that.

I had read the reviews and obviously know of Emmerich’s previous work, which peeked at the heights of his first film Independence Day and has slowly filled the testosterone heightened teenage boys lust for CGI over substance ever since.  And yet I still put it on.

What can I say to give you an idea of what you would be letting yourself in for if this graces your media player.

Well, think Dawson’s Creek / One Tree Hill / Desperate Housewives style acting. Basically the state of play of most American soaps with a few notable exceptions.  Then take your perception of said ‘dramas’ above and lower the acting bar a few notable percentage points, think maybe 40 – 50 %.  (They can’t afford to pay a decent cast after splurging on over the top CGI to drive the no existent story).

The story?  Think the Lord of the Rings style fantasy, except LOTR story is based on far more fact….

Ok, so I have given you a brief outline of my thoughts so far.  So lets go in-depth….

Except we can’t.  That is about as in-depth as the film gets.

Convoluted love story, fictional setting with a handful of facts about the historical period of 10,000 years ago, more than a handful of historical inconsistencies, abysmal acting,  2D characters, adequate CGI (which the film relies on totally, as it is the only substance to be found).

I was going to say this is a poor mans Apocalypto, but then that is way too generous.

Every other review I have seen is correct, and there are dozens.

Avoid.  Avoid.  Avoid.

I Am Legend (2007)

December 22, 2007



Francis Lawrence

Writers (WGA):
Mark Protosevich (screenplay) and
Akiva Goldsman (screenplay)

Release Date:
26 December 2007 (UK)

Action / Drama / Fantasy / Horror / Sci-Fi / Thriller

Plot Outline:
Years after a plague kills most of humanity and transforms the rest into monsters, the sole survivor in New York City struggles valiantly to find a cure. more

(Cast overview, first billed only)

Will Smith … Robert Neville

Alice Braga … Anna

Charlie Tahan … Ethan

Salli Richardson … Zoe

Willow Smith … Marley

Darrell Foster … Mike – Military Escort

April Grace … TV Personality

Dash Mihok … Alpha Male

Joanna Numata … Alpha Female

Samuel Glen … Military Driver – Jay

James Michael McCauley … Male Evacuee (as James McCauley)

Marin Ireland … Woman Evacuee

Pedro Mojica … Sergeant

Anthony C. Mazza … Evacuation Cop (as Anthony Mazza)

Steve Cirbus … Military Police


A hollywood film that plays well? A Christmas treat I certainly wasn’t expecting.

The film isn’t without it’s faults. It’s CGI leaves something to be desired, and I mean on the undesirables, the rest was pretty spectacular. And of course it suffers from hollywood ending syndrom.

The good points? Well the story is top class, adapted from a book as is to be expected with most good tales these days, and Will Smith seems to get better at doing what he does best, playing himself. Did I see tears?

The running time is a little short, but what that does allow is a compact and eventful storyline that unfolds well. What there is of dialog does the job nicely and the overall credits, have to go to the producers and director.

A rievew of a Hollywood blockbuster I like? Don’t tell anyone.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest (2006)

October 13, 2007

Director: Gore Verbinski
Johnny Depp – Jack Sparrow
Orlando Bloom – Will Turner
Keira Knightley – Elizabeth Swann

Once again we’re plunged into the world of sword fights and “savvy” pirates. Captain Jack Sparrow is reminded he owes a debt to Davy Jones, Who captains the flying Dutch man ,a ghostly ship, with a crew from hell. Facing the “locker” Jack must find the heart of Davy Jones but to save himself he must get the help of quick-witted Will Turner and Elizabeth Swan. If that’s not complicated enough will and Elizabeth are sentenced to hang, unless will can get Lord Cutler Beckett Jack’s compass, Will is forced to join another crazy adventure with Jack.

Right, so is it a kids movie or is it an adults or is it aimed at both, because Jesus Christ it doesn’t half drag on at two and a half hours long. The first film, novel, with Depp in great form. This one, well it’s a fucking shit story stitched up with well meaning and planned unbelievable action sequences. Oh, and some well staged, sometimes humorous one liners and dialog. Returning to the ‘is it for adults or children?’: Well I was going to say there was a story included somewhere for adults but then I have already dealt with the fact story is built around the nothingness that is the films CGI. Children will like it for the stupidity and action, but not for much else as mine were squirming to go do something else at the end of the running time. However, and this is just a guess, I’m thinking that this one and the next were filmed together as is a trend these days after LOTR’s. Which also leaves the reason for the shitty ending. Bring on the next one. If only so that I don’t have to sit through anymore. Jack Sparrow aka Depp was the draw in the first. Getting the series done and dusted is the draw to the finale.

I knew there was a reason I hadn’t watched this before now…