Truce

September 24, 2011

Life has returned to.  Or started to become a little bit more stable.  I’m not sure why.  I still have my moods.  But they aren’t lasting as long as they were.

I can’t quite figure out something.  If it really is me being moody, or if I am simply reacting to circumstances around me.

It’s very hard, from your own perspective, to differenciate.

It’s also very hard when very one around thinks you need to be on said medication to try and control who you feel you really are.

I still feel justified in my reactions to circumstances that arise around me.  That is the question you see.Is it me?  Or am I justified in the way I react?

I guess the peace that is currently permiating life is good enough for now.

The question still remains though.  Should I go back to the Dr’s for an increase in my current medication…?


Happy Fun Time

September 19, 2011

Where has it gone.  I used to love having a laugh and a joke, but more and more these days I seem to be introverted.

My mood is up and down more than a whores drawers.  Maybe I have a brain tumour….  Similar symptoms and outbursts so I hear.

Or maybe it could be something as simple as me being a moody wander who needs to get his shit together and start living for today.  Not the future and the past.

I’m kinda hoping for the former.  Sadistic or callous?  Maybe both.

Hey.  Maybe thats why the Doc gives me so many pills? 🙂


Undone

July 24, 2009

I have slipped.  I have fallen.  I am undone.

Scratch that.  I am reborn 🙂


Pointless is as Pointless does

July 12, 2009

Now what do I mean by that?

I’ll do my best to explain.

(Disclaimer:  If you are not here to read boring personal drivel, you may want to skip this post now).

It feels like I have spent my entire life searching for something that can hold my attention.  From people to hobbies to work.  Why haven’t I found it yet?  The problem must lie somewhere within me, to say otherwise would be extremely arrogant…. And yet… Never mind.

I am a ‘Jack of all trades and a master of none’.

What does that say about me?  I’m not sure.  Everything interests me, but I can’t focus on something for more than a week at a time.  Sometimes I find myself sitting and thinking, ‘If only you put years of time and effort in to this,  (this being whatever my latest interest is), you could, and probably would, master it.  But I can’t stay focused.  My mind will wander from topic to topic and book to book.  Why?  That, my friends is the true crux of my problem.  My inate arrogance leads me to believe that everything I try my hand at is beneath me, but that can’t be true about everything can it?

I don’t know, maybe it can.  It’s not the way I enjoy living my life though.  A more likely reason is that I am impatient.  This I have been told by many people on many occations, and it is very true.  I am also very impulsive.  Again, this has been pointed out to me on many occasions by many people.  It is also very true.

I wish it was something I could change.  Maybe I could, but I suppose it would take time and I’ll probably wander off in to a new fad and forget about what I was trying to do in the first place.

Speaking of which, I have a few sites on weather, my new love interest, that I want to visit so, see you later.


Depression and Clouds

July 10, 2009

Depression is rather interesting in how it manifests itself.  Especially if you don’t suffer from it.

I love the analogies that are used to describe the facets of depression, especially those corresponding to weather and clouds.  Black Clouds, Thunder Clouds, Rain, Storms and many others can be used to characterise certain aspects of depression and depression as a whole.

Like a weather system depression can be very unpredictable and can be upon you before you know it, despite forecasts to the contrary.  Forecasts given by yourself to yourself.  Then before you know it, the Cumulonimbus clouds are upon you and the downpour begins.  But only a few hours ago the sky was filled with Cumulus Humillis, everything was bright and breezy, so of course you are unprepared when the low pressure system sweeps in with its winds and lashing rains.

Forecasting is a flawed art.


So it's 2009

January 3, 2009

Well I am a little late in posting this Happy New Year post but here it is now anyway.

I’m going to go through my New Year’s resolutions and review my 2008 and we’ll see where we go from there.

Ok, resolutions.  Well I have become vegan again after getting my health problems under control.  People have asked why?  Well it’s for the same reasons as before.  My beliefs and morals won’t allow me to support the meat industry, to kill animals to eat them, to support the dairy industry and their treatment of animals along with chickens for eggs.  And of course there is the environmental impact.

So that’s that out of the way.

My second resolution is to give up alcohol.  I did something similar last year and didn’t touch a drop for 6 months.  I intend to do the same this year.

My 2008?

Well 2008 for me focused on only a few things.

Very sadly, early in the year my step-daughters Dad passed away, so for obvious reasons it has been a hard year for all concerned.

What has made it harder is that certain parties decided to get in to a legal dispute over their late fathers estate.  I could understand the reasons initially, but it is still going on past the point of reason.  The reasons behind this are very clearly to spite my partner.  The problem is that while all this is going on legal bills are mounting and are simply taking away money from what the girls would stand to inherit.  Not only that but now the other parties are dragging the children in to it without their consent.  All in all it has become very messy and unpleasant when it need not have.  It’s time things were left to run it’s course in my opinion and let everyone involved get on with their lives.

So that, in every aspect, has made life difficult for us all.

Secondly we have moved house.  We needed somewhere bigger and here we are in a lovely four bedroom.  Everyone has settled in well and it seems like me and my partner made the right decision.

Of course it has been wonderful watching all the children grow into their potential.  Especially our eldest who won Stundent of the Year along with six other end of year awards.  We are very proud of her.  We are proud of all of them with the two middle children winning Gold Awards at the end of their year.

Then there is the youngest.  It is amazing to watch her grow.  She has learnt so many new things over the past 12 months.  Words, to walk, to get angry!  I can’t list them all, suffice to say, she is turning in to an amazing little person.

Unfortunately the year ended with my partners Grandfather becoming very ill and having to undergo brain surgery.  It just seemed like it was going to see the year out like last when my Grandmother passed away shortly before the New Year.  However, the surgery went well and there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.  I send him my thoughts and best wishes.

That was my 2008 in a nutshell.  Ups and downs like last year.

No doubt this year will be the same in that respect, I just hope that some of the downs aren’t inflicted by malicious people as has been the case last year.

Onwards we go.


So it’s 2009

January 3, 2009

Well I am a little late in posting this Happy New Year post but here it is now anyway.

I’m going to go through my New Year’s resolutions and review my 2008 and we’ll see where we go from there.

Ok, resolutions.  Well I have become vegan again after getting my health problems under control.  People have asked why?  Well it’s for the same reasons as before.  My beliefs and morals won’t allow me to support the meat industry, to kill animals to eat them, to support the dairy industry and their treatment of animals along with chickens for eggs.  And of course there is the environmental impact.

So that’s that out of the way.

My second resolution is to give up alcohol.  I did something similar last year and didn’t touch a drop for 6 months.  I intend to do the same this year.

My 2008?

Well 2008 for me focused on only a few things.

Very sadly, early in the year my step-daughters Dad passed away, so for obvious reasons it has been a hard year for all concerned.

What has made it harder is that certain parties decided to get in to a legal dispute over their late fathers estate.  I could understand the reasons initially, but it is still going on past the point of reason.  The reasons behind this are very clearly to spite my partner.  The problem is that while all this is going on legal bills are mounting and are simply taking away money from what the girls would stand to inherit.  Not only that but now the other parties are dragging the children in to it without their consent.  All in all it has become very messy and unpleasant when it need not have.  It’s time things were left to run it’s course in my opinion and let everyone involved get on with their lives.

So that, in every aspect, has made life difficult for us all.

Secondly we have moved house.  We needed somewhere bigger and here we are in a lovely four bedroom.  Everyone has settled in well and it seems like me and my partner made the right decision.

Of course it has been wonderful watching all the children grow into their potential.  Especially our eldest who won Stundent of the Year along with six other end of year awards.  We are very proud of her.  We are proud of all of them with the two middle children winning Gold Awards at the end of their year.

Then there is the youngest.  It is amazing to watch her grow.  She has learnt so many new things over the past 12 months.  Words, to walk, to get angry!  I can’t list them all, suffice to say, she is turning in to an amazing little person.

Unfortunately the year ended with my partners Grandfather becoming very ill and having to undergo brain surgery.  It just seemed like it was going to see the year out like last when my Grandmother passed away shortly before the New Year.  However, the surgery went well and there seems to be light at the end of the tunnel.  I send him my thoughts and best wishes.

That was my 2008 in a nutshell.  Ups and downs like last year.

No doubt this year will be the same in that respect, I just hope that some of the downs aren’t inflicted by malicious people as has been the case last year.

Onwards we go.